A few years ago I was in Los Angeles for work. A group of us coworkers and some spouses went to the Japanese area of Los Angeles for dinner. Just let me say right now that I cannot use chopsticks. Cannot. I have tried many times over the years. I have been coached on the proper technique by actual Japanese people. I have honestly given it my best effort but to no avail. I simply can't get it.

So of course, everyone wanted to eat sushi and drink all sorts of saki. I was nervous. The people in my group were so cosmopolitan (as opposed to us country bumpkins from Houston.) They knew proper chopstick usage and were quite knowledgeable about saki brands.

We ordered our food. I made an effort to use the chopsticks. I drank the saki. Finally someone rescued me from my dilemma. They announced to the entire table that the traditional way to eat sushi was with your fingers. So that is exactly what I did. And to this day, I hope they were right because that is how I continue to eat my sushi.

But the really good part of this story is that I discovered a wonderful store in the Japanese shopping center that sold the most amazing erasers. I kid you not. Erasers. I bought my daughter a few packs. And so her eraser collection was born. And here is what her Japanese eraser collection looks like today (with a few other eraser thrown in from other parts of the globe):

Yes, that is her manual typewriter in the background. She found that at a garage sale several years ago for $3 and I ordered some ribbons for it that cost considerably more than $3. She loves to use that typewriter!

My friend and I used to go to the Dallas Trade Mart/World Trade Center to go shopping a couple of times a year. This place is not open to the public (or wasn't back then). You have to be registered as a business to get in and shop on floor after marvelous floor of everything from housewares to furniture to clothing. The first of each month is called Market Days and the vendors there have fantastic deals that are mostly cash and carry rock-bottom prices.

So here's my story: one day we were at the Trade Mart. I was about 6 months pregnant. We were pulling our little cart around behind us and loading up on good deals. In one part of the market there are escalators. There is a small sign that says no carts on escalators. But we were in a hurry to get to a particular vendor's place on the second floor. So we ignored the sign.

My friend gets on the escalator first pulling the cart. I am behind the cart. We ride up without incident. But at the top, the cart suddenly becomes wedged in and can't get loose. I started to step back down the escalator because I obviously couldn't go up. There were people behind me and they started stepping back down too. But I wasn't fast enough and the moving steps kept bashing me into the stuck cart.

Meanwhile my friend was frantically pulling the cart and I was pushing from my end. It was getting to be a bad situation with people piling up behind me on the escalator. Genteel southern ladies were starting to raise their voices behind me because the steps were bringing them up but they couldn't see what was going on to stop them from getting off.

Finally my friend hauls off and kicks the crap out of that cart. It dislodges and goes flying up in the air but luckily, she still had hold of the handle. She hauls it out of the way and me and all those ladies came tumbling off the escalator. My friend takes off running and pulling the cart behind her. I'm waddling along as fast as I can with my enormous pregnant belly and swollen ankles.

We end up hiding in a shop down the hallway where we collapse onto the floor. We were actually crying and laughing at the same time. I think we had some sort of hysterical laughing fit going on. We were hiding because we broke one of the sacred rules of the Trade Mart about carts on escalators and we almost got caught. Under no circumstances did we want to get kicked out of there and miss out on a whole day of good shopping deals.

I wonder why discussions of bodily functions can be so darn hilarious. A blog that I read frequently ran a contest recently about embarassing farts. Yes, you read that right. And the entries for the contest are in the comments section. Go there and prepare to do some laughing: ShaunaGlenn

My family seems to revel in the awesomeness of their gas-passing. I, on the other hand, am the prude of the family. The kill-joy, if you please. I frown upon their gross public displays of gassiness. But, I do understand there are times when a person has to do what a person has to do. And as you will find when you go to Shauna Glenn's Letterrip contest, people have emitted some amazing sounds and fluids from their hind ends in some pretty embarassing locales.

Mommy Rage

Here is an opinion piece by writer Denise Albert about her Mommy Rage. You should see the comments that are pouring in about this on their website!

She reminds me of someone I used to be very good friends with, but shall hereby remain nameless. That friend of mine had the same attitude as this Denise Albert. And to quote her: "Yes, I have mommy rage. I don’t hide my feelings, and if you make me angry you will know it...the bottom line is I know what I want, what I like, and how to get it done." That is just a sampling.
 

I am a huge fan of M&M's. Especially Peanut M&M's.

But they have gone and given us a flavor profile that I really do NOT like. I give you Strawberried Peanut Butter M&M's:

These have been out for a bit of time but I didn't take the opportunity to try them until now. My advice to you: don't bother. The flavor combination just does not work at all for me. I'll stick to the Peanut Butter M&M's or Peanut M&M's. Or even the limited edition Coconut M&M's.

But on the bright side, M&M's has a really good website: M&M's

And in other news: I took my daughter to the county science fair this past weekend where she entered her project into competition. We walked around to view the other projects while we were waiting. There was one project that showed the scientific probability of finding a green M&M in a bag of M&M's. Good one!

Today I was driving my daughter home from school and she was telling me that they were talking about spiders at school. She reminded me of an incident we had with a spider years ago at our house in the country:

We were sitting on the front porch of our house. We had a few people over visiting. Plus there was my daughter who was about 5 years old at the time, my sister, and myself. So we're just hanging out, talking, maybe having a couple of beers and it was late in the afternoon.

Suddenly Toot said, "Mommy look at that big spider!"

I looked and sure enough, it was a huge spider. Probably the biggest one I had ever seen in person outside of a zoo enclosure. Everyone kind of froze and stared at the spider sitting there on the porch.

Someone said, "I think that is one of those wolf spiders." This spider was amazing and scary looking. It was one of those fearsome things that you can't stop staring at but know you should get a shovel or something and take it out swiftly.

And then suddenly we didn't see the spider anymore. It apparently moved at the speed of light because one moment it was there and then the next moment it wasn't.

Of course, all hell broke loose with people running and screaming and slapping at themselves to make sure the spider wasn't on them. I grabbed Toot and we ran down the sidewalk and I sat her down some distance from the house to carefully check her over, making sure the spider wasn't on her.

Finally a couple of us ventured back up onto the front porch to look around for the spider. I believe someone actually grabbed a garden rake or something to kill it with. We didn't even want to open the front door because as fast as that thing moved, we didn't want to chance letting it into the house.

We never found that spider. Can you just imagine the horrible squishing noise it would have made if someone had flattened it with a garden implement?

I have been meaning to post this for some time now but kept forgetting. It is the Muppets singing Bohemian Rhapsody.

And here is the original, and still best version. By the best band of all time: Queen.

I came to the Project Runway love-fest rather late. I did not watch the first seasons of it. Every once in awhile as I was changing channels, I would happen upon the show and watch it for a few minutes. But something made me start watching it a few seasons ago and here I am: a full-fledged Project Runway junkie.

My favorite designer this season is Anthony Williams. It is not because of his designs though. It is his hilarious personality. He throws out these one-liners and quips throughout the show and really livens things up. Plus, he is a southerner from that great city of Birmingham, Alabama.

I can't wait to see how he fares this week on Project Runway. I wish they were filming and showing it in real-time or at least filming weekly. But they film months in advance so the ones who were eliminated already know it but can't say a word ahead of time.